arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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