I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
