i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
