what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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