Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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