i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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