well you can't waste a boner
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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