I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
