I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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