I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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