her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
