guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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