she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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