Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
