What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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