Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
