Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
