Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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