Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
