I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
