More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Randomize
