Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
