it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
