We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
