When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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