Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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