I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
