It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
