Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
