Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
