He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The beer is more important than you right now.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
