I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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