So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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