Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
