I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
