You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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