He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
