At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
