I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
