so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
