Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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