did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
