Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Houston, we have a squirter
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
