dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Alive.
So much puke
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
