I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
