i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
