if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
