I can't breathe out the right side of my face
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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