OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
