I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
