when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
