how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
