he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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