i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
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