I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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