question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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