he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
