allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
