he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
